She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
