It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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