Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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