I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
