Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
