So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
