we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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