He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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