I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
