Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
