A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
