Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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