Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
