Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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