I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
