I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
