apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
