If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
