just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
