Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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