And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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