Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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