Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize