my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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