they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
