please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
