Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
