Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
