Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
