so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
