I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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