Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
