People in love make me want to vomit
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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