She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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