Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
