I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
