I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
