i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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