# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Duck Duck Cougar?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
