names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize