weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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