Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
