is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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