Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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