i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
