I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
