Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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