Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
