That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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