I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
