I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
