So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
