i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
