there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
there is puke in my bra ... again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
