My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
