what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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