we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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