there's paper in my vomit.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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