Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
