I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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