Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
