I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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