just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
