If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
